5 Reasons I’d Rather Be 40 Than 20
10 Jan
Ten days ago I turned 40.
In the weeks leading up to it, family and friends offered many thin smiles, sympathetic tones, mournful glances and discouraged shakes of the head. They wanted to know how I would mark this occasion of decline. Did I have something special planned? Were my knees creaking? Did I suddenly feel short of breath? 
Apparently, turning 40 is a big deal – for everybody except me.
For the record, here’s how I spent a very enjoyable day in the Pennsylvania town where I grew up and then left many years ago: Went out with my dad to buy some new running shoes. Noticed a low tire pressure indicator on the dashboard and inflated all four tires. Browsed for an hour in a favorite bookstore. Visited my oldest friend for a couple hours. Went to church with my family. Had a fun birthday dinner at my folks’ house. Stayed up late – barely – because my kids wanted to be awake when the New Year rolled in. Failed to kiss my wife promptly at the stroke of midnight and still haven’t heard the end of it.
I also found myself reflecting on the many reasons I’d rather be 40 than 20. Among them:
5. I’m still here: This is perhaps easy to take for granted, but its significance should not be underestimated.
4. I’ve gotten over my hair: It started falling out when I was 21 and became an obsession for a number of years. Now I can say with complete candor that I don’t care at all. The only woman I’m trying to impress anymore is my wife, and she’s the one who encouraged me to take the clippers to it. It’s a good feeling to be comfortable in your own skin, especially when more of it is showing.
3. I’ve gotten over Hungry Man meals: This was a staple of my diet back in my 20s, which not surprisingly were punctuated by an anxiety disorder. When I think these days of all the fried chicken dinners I consumed sitting on the floor of my furniture-less apartment, I’m actually encouraged. It’s a sign that I’ve made mistakes and learned not to repeat them, at least sometimes.
2. I have not gotten over Depeche Mode: A few years ago, the CD player in my car broke. Repairing it meant removing an entire unit that also included the car’s climate control system. So I spent about 10 days in February driving around with no heat. My son had to ride to school each morning wrapped in a blanket. But worse than that was knowing that the repair technician was going to pry open the CD player and find Depeche Mode’s “Music for the Masses” stuck there. That seemed very uncool even for someone as uncool as I am. But I was only 37 and more self-conscious. Now in my elderly years, I no longer apologize for many things, including ‘80s techno. The older I get, the more honest I can be about what I like. It’s nice.
1. I know less than I used to: When I was 20, there was a lot I didn’t know. But I insisted on believing I knew quite a bit. Thus, I spent much time on the defensive. Twenty years later, more often than not I’m inspired by the many things I don’t know, instead of threatened by them. It’s exciting to learn and to find I’m capable of more, and sometimes less, than I thought. The reward, it seems, is usually more in the journey than in the knowing.
Wow. I just turned 15.
What a difference. I don’t feel any different, but when I look back on being under 10, it’s shocking how much I’ve changed.
I think I’m going to adopt a new habit of looking back, then looking forward. Thanks for the post, funny, fresh, and frank .
Hi Allison — I’m pretty sure you’re the youngest reader of this blog, which just goes to show it’s never too early — or late — to start on a messy quest. Thanks for joining the conversation!
Gosh Stephen – just wait till you’re 50! It’s so exciting to find out how much you don’t know. Every year of life gifts one with getting more and more . . . “threatened.”
You know, sort of like Popeye – “I Yam What I YAM!!
This is good to know, Mary Jo. Nobody my age or younger wants to believe it, but I’ve heard the 50s are a great decade for a lot of people. Always glad when you stop by.
I like Depeche Mode. And I don’t feel embarrassed. Grew up with them. In fact I am going to a Morrissy concert this weekend.
Good for you, Jodi! Thanks for stopping by — and rock on.
What an excellent list. I can honestly say, by the same standards, I’m happier at 44 than I was at 40. And I’m honored to say I’ve learned even more, but still know less than ever. Excellent post, Stephen. Thanks!
Hi Greg: Thanks for the kind words, and for the encouraging view of 44!
I have about 100 reasons for why I like being 60 more than I liked being 40, and about 1000 reasons why I like being 60 more than I liked being 20. It only gets better!
Galen — glad you stopped by! And your take on 60 is exactly what I wanted to hear.
Hi Stephen,
Happy Belated 40th Birthday, first of all!
Your post was hilarious. I was chuckling to myself as I was reading through your post! Point number 4 about your hair, in particular made me crack up!
One thing which I loved about your post is how you described how you’re so much more comfortable with who you are. As I’m going through my 30′s, I’m definitely noticing an increase in the delight of my flaws and in my lack of knowledge about certain things.